Dear Anxious Heart: 3 Ways to Live Better with Anxiety (Not Against It)

 

Dear Anxious Heart,

I see you there, carrying that quiet storm inside your chest—the one that races ahead to tomorrow's what-ifs, replays yesterday's stumbles, and sometimes makes even the simplest breath feel heavy. You're not broken, and this isn't a flaw in your design. Anxiety is ancient wiring meant to keep us safe, a signal that once protected our ancestors from real tigers. Today the tigers are deadlines, uncertainty, and the weight of being human in a noisy world. But leading voices in mental health remind us we don't have to fight it or banish it forever. We can learn to walk alongside it with more grace.

Cognitive psychotherapist Owen O'Kane, whose work cuts through the noise with refreshing clarity, offers three powerful ways to shift how we live with anxiety rather than against it. These aren't quick fixes or magic erasers—they're gentle, evidence-informed invitations to reclaim a little more peace.

**First, rethink your relationship with anxiety—it's trying to help you.**  

Instead of viewing anxiety as the enemy to defeat, recognize it as a protective messenger. It flares because your system cares deeply about your well-being. When you soften toward it ("Thank you for trying to keep me safe, even if the alarm is too loud right now"), the intensity often eases. Fighting it usually turns up the volume; befriending it quiets the noise over time.

**Second, start with the body, not just the brain.**  

So much advice fixates on "thinking positive" or rewiring thoughts, but O'Kane emphasizes the body as the wiser entry point. Anxiety lives in racing heartbeats, tight shoulders, shallow breaths. Simple somatic shifts—slow, deep breathing (try inhaling for four counts, holding for four, exhaling for six), gentle movement like walking, or even progressive muscle relaxation—send signals of safety upward to the mind. Change the body's state, and the anxious thoughts often follow suit.

**Third, write about what worries you—get it out of your head and onto the page.**  

Journaling isn't just venting; it's a structured way to externalize the swirl. Write the fears without judgment, then ask: What's the evidence for this? What's one small step I can take? Naming the worry shrinks its power. Many experts echo this—putting thoughts on paper creates distance, clarity, and sometimes even unexpected solutions.

These three steps—reframing anxiety as an ally, tending first to the body, and writing to release—form a compassionate triad that countless people have found transformative. They're rooted in real clinical insight and don't demand perfection, only patience with yourself.

**A heartfelt takeaway**  

You deserve to feel more at home in your own nervous system. Anxiety may visit, but it doesn't have to run the house. Start small, be kind to the part of you that's scared, and remember: healing isn't about never feeling anxious again—it's about learning you can hold it without being held by it.

**One gentle action or reflection question for today**  

What would change if, the next time anxiety knocks loudly, you whispered back, "I hear you—what are you trying to protect me from right now?" Sit with that for one minute, perhaps while placing a hand on your heart or taking three slow breaths. How does the moment feel different?

With care and quiet hope,  

A fellow traveler who knows the terrain