👑 THE PRINCE’S PERSPECTIVE: Modern Retake on Sleeping Beauty: Now the Prince Perspective

 

👑 THE PRINCE’S PERSPECTIVE

(Or: “Why Am I On a Horse in the Middle of a City?”)

First of all, let me clarify something:
I did NOT plan this.

No one wakes up in the morning thinking,
“Yes, today is the day I, Prince Aurelius the Somewhat-Prepared, shall gallop majestically into a modern metropolis holding a latte.”

But do I complain?
Well… yes. Frequently.
But I also adapt.

Anyway. Picture this:

I’m trotting through the enchanted forest, minding my royal business, practicing my heroic lines—
“Fear not, fair maiden!”
“No need to thank me, your safety is reward enough.”
“Is this lighting good for my dramatic entrance?”

And suddenly—
PORTAL.
Right under the horse.

Next thing I know, we’re both in the middle of a city street with people screaming,
cars honking,
and someone yelling,
“Bro, watch the horse poop!”

I didn’t even know what poop was until five minutes ago.

While I’m still disoriented, a random guy hands me a latte.
I think it was kindness,
but it might’ve been a bribe to get me to move.

Now, I’m riding through traffic with a cappuccino in one hand, reins in the other, trying to look dignified,
while Google Maps shouts at me from someone’s open window:

“TURN LEFT. NO. LEFT! BRO—LEFT!”

But even through the chaos,
even through the police officers taking selfies with me,
I felt something pulling me.

Like destiny.
Or maybe the horse, who spotted a salad bar.

Eventually, we approached a tall, single apartment tower.
And I knew.
Deep in my royal gut:
she was in there.

My maidensense was tingling.

Just as I prepared to deliver my practiced heroic speech—
I saw her.

At the window.
Looking dreamily into the distance.
I raised my hand.
She squinted.

And then…

She promptly disappeared from sight
after poking her finger on something and dramatically collapsing.

I gasped.
My horse gasped.
Even the latte trembled.

“It’s happening,” I whispered.
“The prophecy…
or just bad luck…
or maybe both.”

But before I could storm the building like a budget superhero,
a swirling pink portal opened behind me and—
WHOOSH.
I was sucked in like a loose receipt in a vacuum cleaner.

Next thing I know?
I’m stuck in the Nightmare Department.

Do you have any idea what it’s like being trained by demons on “mindfulness techniques”?

One of them made me sit on a yoga mat made of screams.
Another kept telling me to “inhale confidence, exhale chaos.”
I don’t even know what chaos is!
I exhaled glitter. By accident.

But I’m determined.
I will escape this place.
I will find her.
And I will say the line I’ve been practicing forever:

“Fear not, beautiful maiden!
Your prince has arrived—
and he brought fries.”

Besides…
I have a feeling she’d appreciate that more than a kiss.