“You Have to Be an Obedient Wife”… Really?
“You Have to Be an Obedient Wife”… Really?
Damn.
That phrase has echoed through generations — whispered by elders, thrown casually in arguments, written between the lines of cultural scripts worldwide. I’ve heard it from society, yes. But not from my parents.
What I grew up witnessing wasn’t a romanticized rom-com version of love. It wasn’t a man playing the hero while the woman quietly submitted. My parents didn’t act out patriarchal scripts, nor did they teach me that obedience was the currency of a successful marriage.
Instead, what I saw was something else entirely: a mutual bond.
Their “romance” wasn’t flowers and candlelit proposals, but everyday companionship. They argued, of course — who doesn’t? But after the storm, I’d see them laugh over family gossip, tease each other while having tea, or cut a simple birthday cake together. For anniversaries, it was dinner for two — not a grand event, but an intimate ritual of choosing each other again.
That’s the love I grew up with.
The Global Script of “Obedience”
Across the globe, though, the narrative is very different. In many cultures, the word obedient still clings like an outdated instruction manual for women:
In parts of South Asia, mothers still whisper, “Be obedient to your husband, that’s how you’ll keep the marriage intact.”
In the Middle East and Africa, obedience is often stitched into traditional vows.
Even in Western societies, where equality is celebrated, subtle expectations creep in — the idea that a “good wife” will quietly shoulder emotional labor, sacrifice her career, or smooth over her partner’s flaws without question.
The script is almost universal: the husband as the dominant figure, the wife as the obedient caretaker.
But here’s the paradox: dominance without responsibility is not leadership — it’s entitlement. And obedience without choice isn’t love — it’s submission.
Real-Life Truths: Not a Fair Game
Think about the couples you know.
Some are truly lucky — partners who respect each other, share responsibilities, and nurture each other’s dreams. That’s not “obedience”; that’s teamwork. It feels like winning a lottery ticket, and both partners know it.
But others aren’t so fortunate. For many women, marriage becomes survival — staying because of children, societal shame, or financial dependency. The expectation to be “obedient” becomes a silencer, erasing individuality and freedom.
And yes, in extreme cases, the weight of inequality snaps the bond entirely. Divorce becomes the only escape.
Rewriting the Narrative (with the World’s Wisdom)
So here’s the question: Why do we still tell women to be obedient, instead of telling both partners to be accountable?
Across cultures, wisdom traditions have long recognized the power of equality and mutual respect in love:
African proverb: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Marriage, like life, is not a sprint of dominance but a journey of endurance — and the journey is only possible when walked side by side.
Japanese saying: “Ai wa kotae o motanai.” (“Love has no fixed answers.”) Love is not about rigid obedience but about adapting, listening, and growing together.
Middle Eastern wisdom: The Qur’an describes marriage as “sakinah” — tranquility and comfort — not control. True partnership is meant to bring peace, not domination.
Spanish proverb: “El amor verdadero no se domina; se comparte.” (“True love is not about domination; it is about sharing.”) Love is never a hierarchy — it’s a table where both bring something of themselves.
When you look at it through these lenses, obedience feels small. Respect feels infinite.
A Universal Reminder
Whether you live in Karachi, New York, Cairo, or Tokyo, the truth is the same: love is not about who leads and who follows — it’s about walking side by side.
The couples who thrive are not the ones where one obeys and the other commands, but the ones who sit down after a fight, share a cup of tea, laugh about life’s absurdities, and still choose each other again the next day.
That’s not obedience. That’s commitment. That’s love.
✨ If you’re told to be an obedient wife, pause. Ask instead: Are we building respect? Are we building partnership? Or are we just following a script that was never meant for us?
Because marriage is not about obedience. It’s about writing your own story — together.
Suggested Tags for Medium
Marriage and Relationships
Gender Equality
Feminism
Love and Respect
Cultural Narratives
Human Rights
Personal Growth
Global Wisdom
Partnership
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