I wasnt Pampered, i was spoiled according to my husband of 18 year

 

I Wasn’t Pampered, I Was Controlled — My 18-Year Marriage to a Nasty Narcissist

> “I am not pampered, but I am spoiled,” he used to say, with a smirk that felt like a warning wrapped in a joke. After 18 years, I know it wasn’t a joke. It was a cage disguised as care.

The Interview That Was Never Recorded

Q: When did you first realize this wasn’t about love?

A: Not in the first year. Or the second. It creeped in quietly — like mold behind wallpaper. It wasn’t the lack of flowers or romantic gestures; it was the way my choices were chipped away at, one by one. What I wore. How much I spent. Who I met. And yet, I had no branded handbags, no designer clothes — just the invisible price tag of my freedom.

Q: What was his ‘spoiling’ like?

A: Spoiling, for him, meant control. “I’ll take care of it” really meant “I’ll decide for you.” He bought what he wanted me to have, not what I wanted. And if I dared to dream of more, the guilt trip began. He called it protection; I call it possession.

Q: How did that affect your self-worth?

A: You shrink in small increments. You forget what you like. You start believing that maybe you are spoiled — not by luxury, but by someone else’s dominance. The narcissist’s genius is convincing you that your cage is a gift.

---

Living with a Nasty Narcissist

He wasn’t violent in the way people expect. He was surgical — emotionally cutting, subtly isolating, and forever keeping the spotlight on himself. Narcissists thrive on emotional dependency, and financial dependency is their golden leash.

Here’s the paradox:

They keep you dependent so you’ll never leave.

They criticize you for being dependent so you’ll never feel worthy enough to leave.

For 18 years, I danced in that loop.

---

The Break in the Pattern

It didn’t happen with one big fight. It happened with a quiet realization:

I can’t change him, but I can change my strategy.

I started small:

1. Knowledge – I read everything I could on narcissistic abuse, financial empowerment, and women’s independence.

2. Micro-Income – I began taking small freelance projects, selling my skills online without telling him at first.

3. Financial Literacy – I learned budgeting, investment basics, and how to manage digital payments independently.

4. Network Rebuilding – I reconnected with people I trusted, some from decades ago, who reminded me I wasn’t crazy — just caged.

---

My Strategy for Financial Empowerment

1. Separate Identity from Marriage – I stopped introducing myself only as “his wife.” I reclaimed my name and my skills.

2. Multiple Income Streams – Even if it was $50 here and there, I treated it as seed money for my future.

3. Skill Upgrading – I took free online courses in content writing, digital marketing, and personal finance.

4. Emergency Exit Fund – I started a private savings account in my name only.

5. Public Accountability – I shared small wins with friends so I’d feel motivated to keep going.

---

Final Reflection

Narcissists like to write your life story with them as the hero.

The day I picked up the pen, I realized — I was never spoiled. I was underestimated.

I’m not chasing branded handbags or designer clothes.

I’m chasing the ability to pay for my own damn coffee, book my own plane ticket, and decide my own tomorrow.

And that, to me, is the definition of real luxury.

---